Why should a reader read "Surviving Haley?"

Tragedy can strike without notice. It’s in the news every day. Bad things happen to good people—men, women, and children, and that bothers me.      

My young adult novel, Surviving Haley, is about Lauren Werthman, a teen who used to like soccer, who used to play an instrument and have a best friend. But now she turns to food for comfort and doesn’t do much of anything. Why? A tragedy. She makes a mistake, one that results in her little sister Haley’s death. Lauren can’t forgive herself, because if she’d been paying attention, Haley might still be alive.

The book isn’t about the accident, though. It’s about Lauren’s battle to fight her way back to a normal life. After the accident, the family moves to a new state. Lauren gains weight. She hides mini-candy bars in her school bag. At home, she keeps a stash in an old flocked bunny bank where her mother won’t find it, because Mom monitors everything Lauren eats. Food is the only thing that lifts her mood, but the good feeling is short-lived. She eats way too much in a short period of time and afterwards, she’s disgusted with herself and even more depressed.

There are lots of novels about Anorexia and Bulimia, but there’s another disorder known as B.E.D., or Binge Eating Disorder. Overeating is normal from time to time. But Lauren’s eating becomes out of control—she can’t stop even when she’s full.   

Suffering causes people to question their faith or even doubt the existence of God. Guilt invades every aspect of Lauren’s life. The first day at her new school, she meets a guy who’s wearing a shirt with a religious logo, and her initial reaction is anger: If there’s a God, why didn’t He save her sister? 

Who’s this book for? Readers who want to root for a character trying to change, who believe everyone deserves a second chance. Can Lauren ever be happy again? Could you?   

Exclusion Starts Early

Children are born with no sense of right or wrong, and left to their own devices, human nature will take over. Unfortunately what comes naturally is selfishness and cruelty. Even in kids as young as three, I've witnessed the exclusion of classmates and heard cruel comments directed at others. "I don't like you," or "You can't play," or "No girls allowed."

I've seen kids, really young kids, refuse to hold hands with someone whose skin color differs from their own. Or some of them don't want to sit at a table next to another child who is of a different ethnic background. It's sad that this behavior occurs in early childhood settings, when children are supposedly innocent and unbiased.

The key word in all of this is, "different." If a child is different from others in any way, he or she is a prime candidate for being teased, bullied or excluded. Children don't seem to value uniqueness, they value sameness.  Again, that's sad. Because we were created to be unique with our own set of talents, gifts and abilities. The only way we should all be the same is in the way we treat others--with empathy, acceptance and love.     

Book cover released

After more than ten years of writing, and a file drawer full of unfinished pieces, it's really happening--my book's being published. If there's something you love to do, even if realizing your dream is a long shot, keep doing it, because you never know. The only thing certain is, it will never happen if you give up.  

Throughout the entire process of learning to write, I kept hearing, "a published author is an amateur writer who didn't quit." Like most things, writing improves with practice, and one page at a time, one chapter at a time, those blank pages fill and you end up with a book-length story. 

So, what have you always wanted to do? What's holding you back? Quit listening to people who say, "That's impossible," and just keep trying. It's been said a long journey begins with a single step. So take the first step and then keep moving forward. Stop listening to negative thoughts and negative people and go ahead, allow yourself to believe it's possible. 

 

Out of Touch

I hope print books never cease to exist. There's something about holding a book in your hands, feeling its weight, flipping each page and then noticing how far along you are in the story until the author writes, The End. You can't do that on a screen. You can't feel the paper with your fingertips or mark the pages with a bookmark or read in bed with a flashlight.

If you play a game online, it's not the same as it used to be when you played a board game with friends. I used to like lining up all the small, polished Scrabble letter tiles on the wooden tray. And then when your turn was over, you'd stick your hand inside a bag and draw more letters until you had seven again. Computers have robbed us of our sense of touch. Keys don't feel like wood tiles. There's a big difference between a full-sized game board and a tiny flat-screened one online. Dragging your tiles into position with a computer mouse isn't quite the same as picking them up and positioning them on a board.

What about Monopoly? Or Yahtzee? Or other games that have been computerized? Yes, you can play them on a screen, but you don't get to hold the game pieces in your hands, or shake the dice and roll them, or move your token around the board. And the biggest drawback of all? When you play games online, it's a solitary activity not a social one, Because even if you're playing against another person or persons, you're in your space and they're in theirs and you don't talk to each other. The closest thing we have to human interaction online is chat windows. At least you know the other person is "talking" at the same time you are.

We've lost something, people. If you want to see what, try this experiment. Play a game by yourself online. Now invite some friends or family over and play the same game, but at a table with cards or a game board. Which one was more fun to do?

I like games, so if playing online is my only option then I'll do it. I like to read. If I don't have a book, I'll go online and read a story. But given a choice, I will always opt for a real book and a real deck of cards or a board game. It's just more satisfying.

Me-ism

What would the world look like if we focused on others instead of ourselves? Simply this: It would be more peaceful, more fulfilling, more satisfying. We'd receive what we needed--love, attention, and confirmation of our worth--from others, and we wouldn't have to conform to the current mantra of modern society: "Me-ism." What's in it for me? What can I gain by investing time and energy into this endeavor or person or cause?

We ought to be shifting the focus off ourselves and onto others. If we did, life could change radically for us all.We'd notice when someone was down, and we'd encourage them to talk about their problem instead of monopolizing the conversation, turning it back to our own lives. We'd see a need in someone's life and we'd try to fill it instead of thinking about all the things we wanted for ourselves. We'd compliment people when we noticed them using their gifts for the betterment of society and not just for their own personal gain. We all have gifts--talents we were born with that were given to us by the Creator so we could make the world a place of kindness and acceptance.  

Human beings are born selfish, so it comes naturally to us to put our own agenda in front of everyone else's. to be self-focused instead of other-focused. It's said that money is the root of all evil, but I think selfishness is too. As long as we fail to have concern for others, to care about their welfare, then we will also fail to coexist in harmony and peace.

One Person Can Make a Difference

What can I do, I'm only one person? You can change the world--by the way you interact with the people in your life. We have countless opportunities to make a difference every day, but many times we ignore these chances, shrug them off as inconsequential small stuff. But the small stuff matters. Because to someone, it may not be a small thing at all to:
     
Pay them a compliment. Say out loud the nice thing you notice about them instead of just thinking it to yourself. It's human nature to criticize, but try doing the opposite. Catch yourself thinking  how great somebody looks or how good they are at something, and then tell them.  
   
Offer to help somebody. They may decline, but it will mean a lot that you offered.
   
Just listen. Be the person who doesn't need to talk about yourself but instead encourages others to vent when something's troubling them.
   
Send them a card. Even if some time has passed. Send it anyway. Because knowing that you cared enough to think of them in a time of difficulty could mean the world to someone.
   
Show Empathy. Put yourself in their place. How would you feel in their situation? What would you want others to say or do? How would somebody's actions help you through a difficult time? After you answer the questions, follow through on the answers.

Words matter. Actions matter. What you say and do can affect other people more than you know. Pass out kindness and generosity whenever you can, and make a difference.

Commitment

Before you agree to do something, make sure you plan to carry through with it, because an empty commitment is worse than no commitment at all. Your word won't mean much to other people if you don't keep it. You'll gain a reputation, the wrong kind. People will say things about you, such as, "Oh, her? Yeah, she volunteers, but you can't count on her.  

The best answer to "Can you help with this?" is, "Let me get back to you," or "let me check my calendar, and then think about it before you make a promise. When you agree to help, follow through, and don't come up with last minute excuses why you can't. Yes, there are times when stuff happens and you won't be able to keep your commitment, but these should be rare exceptions. 

By the way, the same applies to other life situations. Give it time before you decide, "I don't like this," or "This isn't working out." Anything important in your life will take work and time and effort, but it's our nature to quit whenever the task is difficult. This could include things like signing up for a sport, or a class, or learning to play an instrument, or taking a job. Hang tough even when it's hard, because if you do, the payoff will be great. It'll mean a lot to you to look back and realize: I didn't give up, and I made it!